You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
