Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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