He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
two words: eviction party
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
