Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
