So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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