google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
