the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
