How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
