Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
