Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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