At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
