How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
