His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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