I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
