There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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