nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
