Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
