in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I am midnight drunk by noon
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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