Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
