I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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