I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
