I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
