if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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