Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
