I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
