i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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