I'd wear matching sweaters with you
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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