I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
