seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
