I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
