I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
