Small penises have feelings too.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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