Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
