I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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