I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
