morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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