I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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