I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
