Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
