Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
whose ass print is on the piano?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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