Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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