Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Boobs are out for the taking
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
