i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
