I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
