I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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