haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Randomize
