Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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