I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
