Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
