I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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