I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
