Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
