think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
