I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
