I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
