Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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